


On All Counts

by queen_scribbles



Category: Pillars of Eternity
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-10 03:20:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15940733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queen_scribbles/pseuds/queen_scribbles
Summary: For prompt fill 53: Anniversary. This is... not as happy an anniversary as I was hoping for, but  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯





	On All Counts

**Author's Note:**

> For prompt fill 53: Anniversary. This is... not as happy an anniversary as I was hoping for, but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

When Tavi didn’t show up for breakfast, Aloth knew exactly where to find her. He also knew to bring something for her to drink and that he would probably want to keep his distance when he found her. Today was not going to be a good day.

He was right on all counts. Despite the early hour, Tavi was already on the training grounds, beating the stuffing--literally--out of a _very_ battered practice dummy. She’d clearly been at it for a while, too. Long enough for her hair--and a line down the back of her shirt--to be damp with sweat.

Aloth watched her for a moment, forearms braced against the railing, and then without preamble., “Perhaps it’s time you took a break.”

One of Tavi’s shoulders flinched, ever so slightly, but she didn’t turn around.  “Nah, I’m fine.”

“Tavi. You and I both know, today of all days, that’s not true,” he said, gentle but frank.

She stopped, hands hanging limp at her sides. After a pair of heartbeats, she sighed heavily and dropped the wooden practice blades at the dummy’s base.  “You win, Aloth.”

If he’d needed any more proof she was definitely not alright, there it was. Aloth knew better than to draw attention to _that_ , and so instead wordlessly held out the waterskin he’d brought as she turned around.

“Thanks,” Tavi nodded breathlessly, crossing the space between them to take it. She leaned against the railing a foot or two downwind from him(Which, much as he loved her, Aloth appreciated) and took a long drink. And then another. She wiped her mouth with the heel of her hand, and then raked her fingers through her hair.

“So,” Aloth began, after a long moment of silently watching her rub the faint scars on her palms, “now that the fighting your memories portion of the morning is behind you, how do you want to spend the rest of the day?”

She shot him a weak but grateful smile and used the tail of her shirt to wipe sweat off her forehead. “Not alone, that’s for fuckin’ sure. Maybe once I’m... not a mess, we can sit in the same room and do our own thing? I know you have a couple new spellbooks you wanted to go through, and I...” She sighed and looked down at her hands. “I need to carve something. Maybe another duck...”

“Tavi...”

Tavi shook her head. “I’ll be fine, city slicker. Thirty years have done a _little_ to dull it. But it still hurts, an’ today I’m gonna let it.”

“Understandable,” he nodded. “I don’t _mind,_ Tavi.” He stepped closer and rested one hand on her shoulder, feeling the lingering warmth of her exertion through her shirt. “Whatever I can do to help.”

She smiled with at least some of her usual mischief. “Aw, thanks, Corfiser. I should hug you for that.”

Aloth gave her a flat look. “Please don’t. Or, perhaps, save that for later.”

Tavi’s smile widened and she ran her fingers through her hair again, dramatically flicking off the sweat. “After I don’t smell like a long day’s work in the hot sun, y’mean? I think I can hold off that long.” She took another swig from the waterskin, mood sobering as she pushed away from the railing. “Seriously, though, Aloth, thank you.”

He nodded as he followed her back toward Brighthollow. “Of course.”

-o-

She hadn’t expected the bath to feel so good. She’d only been out there for an hour tops; it hadn’t been anywhere near the usual workout. It had been more emotion-driven than her usual regimen, though, which was a good way to burn through energy fast. Tavi sighed as she climbed out of the cooling water and reached for a towel. _Time heals all wounds_ the saying went, but this one was proving stubborn. 

Tavi dressed, eschewing boots, and tried very hard not to let her thoughts drift a certain direction-- _Wonder if Mom would still have the flower shop_ \--without much success. Grabbing a small block of wood and her favorite whittling knife, Tavi headed for Brighthollow’s library--formerly Kana’s room--figuring it was the most likely place to find Aloth and that he’d be waiting for her with his nose in a book.

She was right on all counts. Aloth was there, spellbooks for perusal stacked on the table next to him, reading what looked like a book on either Ixamitl or Readceras. “Sorry for for takin’ so long. It felt really blazin’ good.”

Aloth chuckled as he nudged a chair out for her. “I imagine so. You gave that training dummy quite a beating.”

Tavi barked a sharp laugh and dropped into the offered chair. “One of the healthier ways I’ve dealt with this anniversary, trust me. The first couple I got fuckin’ smashed the night before, hopin’ I’d stay passed out or at least drunk a good part of the day. And there was one I started a bar fight.... Three decades has given me plenty of time to develop better copin’ methods.” 

“I’ll say,” Aloth murmured, watching her turn the block of wood in her hands.  “What are you planning to make?”

Tavi stared at the block of wood rather than look him in the eye. “A duck, I told you that.”

He hesitated in the middle of opening one spellbook. “Are you sure that’s wise?” he asked, obviously choosing his words with care. “Given that you didn’t want to spend the day alone specifically so you don’t dwell too much.”

_Now_ she looked at him. “I don’t recall specifyin’ the blazin’ reason, city slicker.”

“Do you really think I don’t know you at least that well, Tavi?” Aloth pointed out. “Also, you mentioned that as a reason last year. I figured it would similarly apply.”

“And you _remembered_?” Her knife slipped from its first cut, narrowly missing a fingertip. _Shit, that would’ve been bad_...

“That surprises you?” he returned.

“Considerin’ everything that’s happened--Thaos an’ Stalwart an’ the Eyeless an’ all--I figured it got forgotten for something more important.”

Aloth smiled slightly, smoothing the pages of his spellbook. “That assumes any of those things were or are more important.”

Tavi’s face warmed and she set down the block of wood for a second, leaning forward to kiss him on the cheek. “You’re too sweet sometimes, Corfiser,” she said frankly as she picked the wood back up. “I think I’ll be okay.”

“Alright, if you’re sure. I’m here if you need me.” He turned his attention to his book, only to glance back up a moment later. “And, since you’re going to risk dwelling on them anyway, if you want to talk...”

She nodded, shifting her grip on the knife handle. “I’ll let you know.”

-o-

She made it an hour in, the duck’s head and bill roughly taking shape, before something made her flinch badly enough her knife skidded off the curve she was working and gouged her finger.

“ _ **Fuck**_ ,” she hissed sharply, before sucking on the wounded digit to slow the bleeding.

“Here, let me,’ Aloth said, pushing aside his book and reaching for her hand.

“It’s not _bad_ ,” Tavi muttered. She wiped the finger against her shirt before acquiescing. “I’m more mad at myself for gettin’ distracted than anything.”

“Distracted?” The cut really didn’t look bad; a small knick just below her knuckle that was already starting to bleed again. He was just used to Tavi being more careful and couldn’t help being concerned.

She flinched and wrinkled her nose as he rubbed away the blood. “I... started thinkin’ about my brother.”

“Ah.” _To be expected_. It was inevitable, really, in his opinion, with the anniversary that she marked today. He was only surprised she hadn’t been thinking about them _again_. ( _Maybe she had been._ ) They were both quiet while Tavi clumsily cut off a piece of her shirt to wrap around her finger and handed it to him. _We do have an infirmary._ “You didn’t need to-”

“I know,” Tavi interrupted, spreading her hand to make bandaging easier. “Force of habit.”

-o-

She watched him wrap the strip of fabric around her finger, far more dexterously than she would have managed, even using both hands. He tied the ends off with an almost impossibly small knot and let go of her hand. Tavi instead clasped his, running her thumb over his knuckles. 

“I ever tell you how much I like your hands, city slicker?” It was _true_ , but in the moment it was more a desperate attempt to distract herself from her memories.

From the look in his eye, Aloth knew it, too. But he humored her, because _of course_ he did. “You may have mentioned something to that effect before, yes.”

_Casius grinning triumphantly, glasses slightly crooked, as he finally mastered a spell._  “Well, it’s still true.”

Aloth smiled and gently squeezed her fingers, careful of the injured one. “And I still appreciate it.”

_Malachi throwing his head back in a laugh, warm and self-deprecating, as he flubbed the words to the song he’d been singing_. Tavi bit her lip. “Good. That’s... good.”

“If I may,” Aloth began, still slightly hesitant to pry even after her many, many reassurances she never minded( _not for him_ ), “this year seems worse than last.”

She winced. Trust him to pick up on that. _Pure wonder in Khellin’s eyes as he cradled a tiny kitten in his hands, the creature barely old enough to be held by kith._  “They never got to fuckin’ grow up, Aloth.” She ran her free hand through her hair in a fierce, jerky motion. “The twins would’ve finally hit adulthood a couple months ago, and Khel.... Khel was just a fuckin’ _kid_. What kind of copperfucker-” She cut herself off with a shake of her head. _Opening up_ to Aloth was one thing, and she was happy to do that. _Unloading on him_ was completely different, and she _wasn’t_ going to do that. Not about this. “Every year is the same old _Hard but getting better_ and it just... hit me again this time how young they all were. Even my parents, they were... gods, they were barely my age _now_ when they had me, so...” The words trailed off, their implication clear.

As if sensing how close she was to floundering, Aloth squeezed her hand again. “I know it’s hard,” he said softly, then paused. “If it would help... I believe I owe you a hug from earlier?”

Tavi laughed shakily. “Right on all counts. It is, you do, and it would.”

The two of them stood as one, releasing their clasped hands so Aloth could wrap his arms around her shoulders, and Tavi hers around his waist. She leaned into the hug, appreciating how close he held her, his hand rubbing her back.

Tavi’s gaze landed on the wooden block, Casius’ voice floating out of the past. “ _You haven’t called me duckling in forever, Tav.”_

_That’s because you’re dead,_ she retorted silently, even knowing the memory it came from. _All of you, and I’ll never get you back._ She turned and buried her face in the side of Aloth’s neck, her grip instinctively tightening. “I’m really glad I have you today,” she mumbled, the words muffled even further by his shirt. She leaned back far enough to meet his eye. “I mean, I”m always glad I have you, city slicker, I just... it’s extra nice on days like this.”

Aloth kissed her forehead. “I knew what you meant, Tavi.”

“Good.” She leaned into the hug for one last squeeze, then stepped back and picked up the half-carved duck. She was pretty sure she could finish it now. The ghosts were still there, probably always would be, but she wasn’t facing them alone. She snuck a glance at Aloth, his lips moving silently as he resumed reading the spellbook, and smiled to herself. Hard as it was, today would be a good day.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i was trying to come up with something fun and fluffy for either these two or Ederity, I swear. But none of the ideas I got cooperated in the fleshing out stage. And then this struck, and it was more cooperative, so... hurt/comfort Taviloth it is, i guess. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Oh, and now that I’ve got them roughly nailed down, at the time of the fire...
> 
> Tavi’s parents were early-mid 80s  
> Tavi was 28  
> Casuis and Malachi were 19  
> Khellin was 13  
>  ~~SUFFER WITH ME  
>  do you see why i decided to not kill khel?i’m not that mean~~
> 
> ~~Also now I wanna have him show up at Caed Nua post-Deadfire so Tavi gets him back in canon but we’ll see~~


End file.
